Day one

Such an exciting title for the first entry of the new blog right?  Well I used to think that the first entry should be all about telling the whole story right away.  Maybe not so much anymore.  All in good time. 

I’ve started to notice little things in my life making the big differences, the 2 lines in a song stirring an intense emotion… running the dishwasher in the morning before leaving for work and feeling accomplished… forgetting to put the trash out this morning and feeling like a lazy member of the borough where I live… walking 3 – yes i said 3 miles yesterday including 2 interval runs and not dying – BIG feat for my 240 lb, bad knee-d, body…

My moment of realization yesterday as I embarked on my mission to confront my 7 1/2 years of grief from my dad’s death happened 6 minutes into my treadmill walk…. In the midst of the brand new gym I joined, flanked on either side by a woman in her 50’s I thought of my dad finishing one of the 5 or 10k’s his hospital sponsored when I was a kid… He loved running – I hated it, of course… and I remembered waiting for him at the finish line and thinking that I was going to run for two minutes on that treadmill if it killed me because when my dad was in his late 40’s he was diagnosed with planters fasciitis and could no longer run… it devastated him more than he ever let on…

After two minutes I could barely breathe… I was close to tears… and I felt like my heart was snapping in half… but I did it… I hated him for never telling me how much he missed running and I loved him for pushing me to do something I thought I couldn’t even though he has been long gone…

Such a little break through… but I’ll take it…


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