Cooking for One


That’s what I’ll be doing from now on…

Not because its the new theme of the blog…

Not because I want to show how to make small portion meals…

But because after over a year and a half my relationship has disintegrated and no longer exists…

I made the decision…

I’m the one who was ridiculously unhappy…

That was obviously today when he called and thought the argument last night had been one big joke…

No, I was serious… I don’t know who you are anymore, I don’t know who I am anymore… I just know I’m so unhappy that I don’t want to come home some days…

I know I’m tired of trying to love someone who seems to hate everything I love, who says they can’t stand my Minnie girl, someone who tells me I can’t cook, never offers to help with house work…

And most importantly someone who chose to take a job that he knew would take him out of town consistently without knowing where to or when or how long until it was actually time to go… someone who accepted a job without asking me how I would feel, what it would do to us…

If there is one thing I need in my life from the person I am with it is a routine, and someone dependable… someone who will be home at the same time every day or can at least call and say I won’t be home for an hour…. someone who I know can be there if I need him and put me first…

I just can’t do it anymore… I’m not saying it will be over for forever, but we needs some time away from each other completely…

The sad part is that I’m more upset that I won’t be able to go to the lake… that I can’t get away from it… I know that I will have to really crack down on finances, that I will have to find a neighbor to help with Minnie if I have a long day… but you know what… I have lost who I am… I’ve gained 20 lbs since the boy started the new job…

I’m a shell of who I once was… and I just can’t do it anymore…

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Cooking for One

  1. You made the right decision. You will be happier in the long run, as trite as it may sound. It may take awhile to get back to yourself but you’ll get there.

    PS-How could someone not love Miss Minnie???

  2. I admire and I am impressed with your strength and courage to get out of an unhealthy relationship and knowing what you want and deserve. I haven’t been reading your blog for awhile until now but thank you for being so open and honest. Reading what you have been through has given me even more strength as well as comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. I found out this year (on my birthday- out of all days) that my bf of 4 years has been cheating on me. It was a very toxic and abusive relationship (mostly psychological and verbal) and off and on for 4 years. I realized that he most likely has borderline personality disorder/ClusterB disorder. I have been on an online support group for awhile now that has really helped. I had to get rid of emails, block him, and even change my number to get him away from me and the emotional rollercoaster. I finally picked up the book “Women Who Love too Much”. It is a great read and I have felt like the book was written for me. I think it may help you as well. I notice I been attracted to bad men because of my childhood, self esteem, and depression. I have been focusing on myself as well and it feels good. I have struggle with my weight my whole life and when I was not with him I was able to lose weight and be happy and accomplish a lot of goals. I see you accomplishing a lot because you have decided to put you first and loving yourself is the most important thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s