mild panic


Today, as I stood outside and surveyed the mess that is my house and property I had an anxiety/panic attack…

My mom and step dad had come in to see me and were helping me make plans for how to attack the long list of things that had never been done while Steve and I were together – mainly because he had promised to take care of it…

But as we began to work I started to realize this is possible… I can do this… I will have to learn things, like how to properly use a weed whacker and build my stamina for soil moving, not to mention trying to save for a new roof and siding…

But I can do it…

Today has been hard, he came to get his things this morning and as I packed them up preparing for his arrival I was a bit numb… and when he clung to me as he left crying, I knew that he was hurting… But I also knew that I was not functional anymore…

I need this…

Maybe one day things may change… but that’s too far in the future to tell…

For now, I’ll be walking minnie every day… getting to the gym… working on my house… and getting back in touch with me… I’ve only been single for 2 months over the last 3 years… and I need this…

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One thought on “mild panic

  1. How are you doing? You do remember (continue to realize) that you can do this, right?! You have taken a brave step to sort things out in the present to make better decisions for the future. Your plans sound realistic and manageable. I for one believe in your strength and caring, so I know you will make it through. As your last posts show, you have been through much lately and need time to sort things out. Hang in there!

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