It was a few months ago at the end of a show called NY Med (some reality show produced by Dr. Oz that follows ppl through NY hospitals) that I heard a song that froze me in my place and rocked me to my core. It was at the conclusion of a story where a man had been diagnosed with inoperable cancer but against the odds other therapies had been able to eradicate the cancer and they were showing the man with his wife and family at their house having dinner and the camera pans out and and shows a cliff and shore line and this song begins to play…
I wish I had the actual clip from the show but this will do… and everything just stopped for me. The story line was hard enough for me but then that song dove into the depths of my soul to wounds that I wasn’t sure I still had. I immediately did that spotify thing and found out the song was Follow You Down by Matthew Mayfield. I bought the song immediately and played it on repeat.
There’s no other way to describe it other than I let the song, the melody, the lyrics wash over me in waves. While I know it wasn’t meant for a father daughter relationship there is so much in it that was transferable to what my dad and I went through when he died. It’s a song that I can guarantee will cause me to swell up and cry and release everything that is pent up inside of me. It’s a song that makes me vulnerable and makes me be honest with myself.
“If you’re gone and I’m here, I could meet you, meet you
If you’re lost and you fall, I’m beneath you, neath you
No matter where you run I’ll be the one to follow you down”
I’ve since bought many of Matt’s albums – he’s an amazing artist, pours his heart and soul into his work and does it for his love of it and I encourage everyone to check him out – I’ll link more videos and his website at the end of this.
Last night – I had the chance to see him live at a little spot in Pittsburgh. I got dolled up. Put on my Dad’s wedding ring, and a ring I dug out of some box that had been hidden in the back of my drawers – a ring he brought back from Korea for my Aunt 40 years ago and she since gave to me. And as I held one of the few pieces of him that I still have I listened to Matthew Mayfield soak into my heart and soul for 90 minutes and I wish it could have been longer.
He didn’t sing my song. But I got something better. I had a chance after the show to talk to him for a few moments and tell him what that song meant to me. That in the 12 years since I lost my dad to cancer that song was able to do something nothing else has. It was hope and sadness and peace and grief and healing. And I told him when I come home some days and I’m sad because I can’t remember what my dad’s voice sounded like I put on that song and I let it carry me away. And Matt thanked me for sharing that story with him and that he was touched by it and gave me a hug and I’m sure singer/songwriters hear that a lot how their music moves people, but I’m glad he heard my story.
Check out his music. Go see him. Maybe it’s not one of his songs but find a song that heals you. Find a song that lets you FEEL again. Find a song that makes you be honest, raw, real.