This is such a theme in my life isn’t it?
I’ve been really down lately. My anxiety has been back. My knee started swelling up again a week or so again, so I immediately made a doctor’s appointment – I go in on Thursday to see my orthopedic surgeon to see if I’ve done something to it or if my arthritis has just gotten out of hand. I’ve cut all cardio and exercise from my routine hoping the rest would help and I fear that I’ll start to undo everything I’ve been working for.
I crashed a little bit after the anniversary of my dad’s death- I grieved really silently this year other than the blog post. It was like I poured it all out of my system and then didn’t know what to do with all of those feelings.
I felt just so incredibly lost and overwhelmed. I found just a moment of solace in my prayers at night. I would beg for my heart rate to slow down, for calmness to creep into my soul.
Today I got a little bit of help.
A few months ago the singer/songwriter who you all know I have so much respect for and who has made the music that I have found so healing as of late began releasing snippets of songs that would be on his new album.
Today – Matthew Mayfield released Wild Eyes.
On Wild Eyes is a song entitled How to Breathe.
And as I listened to it the whole way through the first time I rushed up to close my office door because my emotions just exploded.
“The back and forth the push and pull / It’s carved a curse inside my soul / Yet I believe that this tug of war has taught me how to breathe”
I said back when I first talked about Matthew Mayfield’s music in November that everyone should find a song that makes them feel again. For me its understanding that being broken is ok. It’s my brokenness that makes me who I am. No one has the same cracks that I do – No one has been put back together the same way that I have.
I am blessed for the dents, dings, rust stains and scars that I carry. Each one has taught me how to breathe. In the end every single one of them ended with some type of hope. How easy it is to forget that.
Thank you MM – thank you the timing of this album could not have been better.
The album is available on iTunes now.